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+ Over the mountains and the sea
sept 26 2006
today is ah kong's 10th death anniversary:
i can still remb. that morning i was in my parent's room. they called me in i think. the light was on, they were getting ready to go to work and send me and bro to kindergarten. i was 4.
then the phone rang amid the hustle and bustle of a normal morning. daddy picked it up. then he sat down on the bed. or was it the other way round? somehow i think he was wearing his socks when the phone rang. i vividly remb mummy sitting on the bed beside daddy too. ohwell.
i didnt go for kindergarten that day. was quite happy about it i think. we went to ah ma's hse. in what is now uncle elijah's rm was an empty bed. no ah kong.
ah kong's funeral... it was in some.. dark, dim, air-conditioned place. everyone was crying. either mummy or daddy carried me and bro to see ah kong. he looked so serene, so asleep. the top half of the coffin was uncovered. he was wearing those big old square-like, gold-rimmed glasses, a white collared shirt that he always wore, with a pocket on the top left, and a pair of black trousers. he looked as if he had fallen asleep wearing his glasses.
i remb running arnd then, in the midst of all the gloominess and dreariness. daddy scolded me, but ah ma stopped him when i cried. she said that i must also be sad that ah kong was gone. but i dont think i was. not at that point of time. i missed him all right. i missed going to that little shop beside the brightly lit place with smooth marble tiles where he ran his company. i remb alot of smooth, pastel coloured square tiles that gleamed. i remb the big bag of coloured sugar biscuits he used to buy me, and my mum never approved of me eating those. i always bit the sugar off; never ate the biscuit. i particularly liked the pink sugar; yellow was horrible, and i bluffed that i liked the white sugared ones. mummy always scolded me for not eating the biscuits.
i've almost never eaten them since.
its been what, 10 years? since the day the phone rang, when everything changed forever, when we went to ah ma's hse and there was a policeman.. to confirm ah kong had died, i think mummy told me.
later on someone told me ah kong died of smoking. that i'd better not pick up smoking too. he died of kidney probs. the maid said ah konng asked her to massage his back at abt 3 at night. not sureabt the time but it was quite late. or at least it seemed quite late to me as a 4 year old. then she went back to slp and in the morning, ah kong was dead. i remb she said he was coughing alot even after she massaged his back or smth. very badly.
10 years since i've sat on his lap and smelt his cigarette breaths; 10 years since i've heard him call me ah ger and smile...
he used to have some 'office' area near the kitchen then. a big black chair which i used to sit on and turn and turn and turn...
they said i was ah kong's favourite grandchild. i was always able to persuade him to buy me anything. he used to drive us arnd in his lorry. it was a blue one. it was hot at the back and the seats were hard and rough and it was always a squeeze. i never got a chance to sit at the back.
sometimes i think back and wonder, if ah kong were still arnd, would i have a dog now? not only one dog, i think even 4. he loved dogs. hereditary? hah.
well, all of that is gone now, ah kong. sometimes i wonder if i'll see you in heaven, or whether you're in hell. i remb you seldom went to church. only occassionally id see you emerge from a pew with ah ma..
well, its all gone now, just me and my memories. some say open wounds heal and close with time, others say they leave scars.
i think they leave scars too.
cos thats how memories never fade.